10 writing mistakes we made and the lessons you can learn from them
“A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit.”
I was so full of ideas as a newbie writer! So fresh-faced and dreamy-eyed!
Ah, my ideas for a sci-fi opera written entirely in a made-up alien language, for a 400-page novel about nothing, and for a book of poems about every tree in stark, riveting detail. Pure genius!
Originally, this post was going to be me writing about all the mistakes I made in my 20s and 30s (see: 400-page novel about nothing).
But then I realized that it’d be an even better idea to ask tons of writers at the Let’s Just Write! Chicago's Writers Conference (hosted by the Chicago Writers Association), one simple question—what mistakes did you make in your early days of writing?
Here are the most common answers I got from my fellow veteran writers and how you, as a new writer, can benefit from our hard-won wisdom.
10 writing mistakes we made and the lessons you can learn from them
1. We were too impatient
Too impatient to get published, too impatient to introduce craft elements into our stories, too impatient to get accepted. It's especially harder now because so much media is dedicated to getting you to do all this and more.
I was too impatient for the best reason of all — to get out of my crappy job and to write for a living. Who doesn’t want that?
But that impatience built up and led to nothing but stress, anxiety, and exhaustion because I piled impossible expectations onto myself to achieve success.
I’d given myself an arbitrary number of years in which to get this success and an arbitrary number accomplishments, such as fame, fortune, and respect; and when I didn’t achieve them, I grew very depressed and despondent—right around my midlife, actually.
Lesson: We take our time on the quality rather than the quantity.
We now give ourselves realistic expectations and adjust them according.
I’m not saying don’t dream big. Dream big! But don’t attach so much of your happiness to outcomes. Grow to love the practice of writing. The rewards will follow. Be patient. You got time.
2. We thought writing would eventually become easy
This next mistake makes me blush because I remember thinking this very same thought sometime around the first couple months!
Sweet summer child that I was, I honestly thought that eventually all I needed was a steady stream of readers, a place that would publish whatever I wrote, and a steady income to allow me to write what I wanted, when I wanted.
Sure it was going to be difficult, but once I got over the hump, I could just crap out these amazing ideas for novels, poems, whatever with little or no effort.
NOTHING worthwhile takes little or no effort, especially if you really care about it.
Lesson: We know that the writing life is exactly like non-writing life—it’s a journey, not a destination, full of ups and downs and twists and turns.
I mean, in a certain sense it does get easier, but there will always be challenges.
We are humans, not creative robots. If we fix two seriously on a "there" to get to, we're gonna miss all the little “nows” along the way. Especially since there isn't a "there" and there never will be.
Writing is also a practice. Just like yoga and meditation, writing isn’t something that you suddenly “get” one day and don’t have to worry about it anymore.
Love the journey, love the practice. Every day.
3. We looked more like writers than actually wrote
This mistake is a common one. I spent a lot of time at the Borders coffee shop on Clark and Diversey squinting intellectually into the middle distance instead of, you know, actually writing.
And the reason is simple: it's way easier to look or talk like a writer than to actually consistently write.
Hollywood still hasn’t made an accurate movie about being a writing because it’s mostly in our heads.
What IS popular are the films about all the peripherals to writing — the drama of everyday life that writers have to deal with. And so we look at those lifestyles and equate it with how to be a writer.
Lesson: We write consistently.
It doesn’t have to be every day, but it’s work.
Writing is marathon training. For 99% of the time, you're with just yourself. Writing can get lonely. That’s why we need fellow writers who can support us and keep us accountable.
And writers don't even get a cool crowd of shouting people when they publish.
(Though, that would be really cool. Picture it: on the day of a book launch, a writer runs down a barricaded street lined with all of their friends and family holding signs and blowing air horns and dancing to 90s house music.)
4. We tried to go it alone
If there is one thing I learned (and I learned so many things this past weekend at the writers con), it's that community matters! Your fellow writers are there to help breathe life into YOUR life through support, accountability, and bonding through the simple love of our art.
I didn’t get myself out there enough, especially when I was new. I didn’t want to be helped or inspired or encouraged because I thought I had to do it all on my own or I felt like nobody would like the real me. But that was a limited mindset and thank god I had faith in myself and my abilities.
Lesson: We don’t lone wolf it.
We have our tribe. A win for a fellow writer feels different because we know the process, the struggle, and the journey. To isolate ourselves from that community hurts us more than we know.
If you feel you’re not enough or friendly enough or personable enough to get out and meet them, you ARE enough and you CAN meet people! I’m living proof. Because nothing makes an extravert into an introvert like a fellow nerd.
5. We treated our fellow writing peers as competition
Another mistake that kept us lonely was our competitive mindset. I didn't go to writers groups or classes just to be around writers and talk shop, I was looking at the pecking order. I acted petty, arrogant, and cold. I was trying to be the best of the best of the best. It’s definitely that toxic masculinity that can run rampant throughout our culture, especially sports and hustle culture.
Lesson: We are not in competition with anyone if we are truly being authentic in our writing and with ourselves because only WE can tell the stories that we have from our unique experiences and personalities.
Read that again.
With art, we can find our fans, we can find our niche, without having to resort to thoughts of being “the best”. There’s room for everyone.
6. We hustled too hard
Speaking of hustle culture! I worked really, really hard. Too hard, actually. I don't regret my work ethic, but it’s something I struggle with because some of it still stems from those early writing days. For me, it was a “work means I’m worthy” mindset. I had to prove myself and prove myself big. This also ties that “being the best” mindset as well.
There's a quote from Faulkner:
“The writer's only responsibility is to his art. He will be completely ruthless if he is a good one. He has a dream. It anguishes him so much he must get rid of it. He has no peace until then. Everything goes by the board: honor, pride, decency, security, happiness, all, to get the book written. If a writer has to rob his mother, he will not hesitate; the 'Ode on a Grecian Urn' is worth any number of old ladies.”
Yes, this quote is tongue-in-cheek but its theme is repeated in every motivational video online. And yes, these things do get you fired up. The problem is that if we work too hard, we suffer from burnout and then we hate ourselves for getting burnout.
Lesson: We work smarter, not harder.
Burnout becomes a thing later in life. We can’t keep on motivating ourselves like this into our second half.
That’s why we spend more time recharging and relaxing to help balance things out. It’s like exercising in our midlife—more time and care is spent stretching, before and after. It’s just a fact of life.
Sometimes I write at work, sometimes I write on the train, sometimes I write as little voice memos in my phone. I get my writing in when I can because now I have a limited capacity of time and energy.
7. We didn't take better care of our bodies and minds
This mistake connects to the previous one. When we were younger, we abused our bodies and our minds because we could.
We had nearly an inexhaustible amount of time and energy. Self-care for us was taking a 30 minute nap or sleeping in because we were hungover from staying up the night before acting like a wild writer should, right? A day off for us was staring at a TV screen and playing Xbox for seven hours straight.
Lesson: We now know that taking care of our minds and our bodies will make us better writers and create better writing.
Exercise, therapy, forest bathing, mindfulness, and yoga are just some of the ways that we can take better care of ourselves so that we can be better writers.
I write in little bits and pieces throughout the day and take breaks constantly because I know I have to take better care of my back and lower body.
If you haven’t already, please get your FREE 12-page guide to charging your creative midlife battery here. It's your key to getting more life battery out of your creative midlife battery!
8. We weren’t kind enough to ourselves
This is another mistake that ties into a previous one. I talked to a writer this weekend who told me that he keeps himself motivated by being hard on himself or talking negatively to himself. If this works for you, fine, but I'll tell you what I told him: be sure to balance it out.
One of the ways that we’ve developed as a species is through seeing the negative because that’s the safest route. Always thinking that there’s a saber-toothed tiger around the corner is how our ancestors got here.
Problem is, there’s no more saber-toothed tigers anymore. But it's still baked into our brains. That's why it’s always easier to tear ourselves down than build ourselves up.
Lesson: We’re super gentle with ourselves. Super. Gentle. Like embarrassingly gentle.
Talk to yourself as you would a small child because, really, when it comes down to it, that's exactly what your creative side is—your inner kid.
Yes, a terrible job or life can motivate us to work hard and accomplish great things, and yes, being hard on ourselves can motivate us.
But if we do this too much, we form a habit of it without balancing it out while also thinking that being gentle to ourselves does nothing. And that’s not true at all.
“Treating myself like a precious object will make me strong.”
9. We listened to industry people as our writer selves instead of our business selves
A big mistake we made was treating industry people—agents and editors—as either gods and goddesses that would help us or evil money people that only see us for our money instead of seeing them for the business people that they are.
A lot of them love writing (and you should work with people like that), but they also represent the business side of things and so their first priority is getting your work published.
Lesson: We don’t let our writer selves (our inner kids) listen to business people.
That’s a job for our business selves, or what I call Writerpreneurs. Our inner kids don't have the mental or emotional make up to deal with the cold, hard truths of the business side of things.
Too many writers have quit because they heard one "truth" of the industry. But neither can you deny it if you want to work in the business.
If you want to talk business with the business person, you need to be a writerpreneur, because that’s what you are, essentially. You’re opening up a shop called “John Doe, Writer”.
I’ll write more on this later in another post because I think it’s essential for writers, but for now remember that the quicker you work on this mindset, the easier it’ll be for you and your inner kid.
10. We didn’t have enough faith in ourselves
The last mistake that we veteran writers made in our early days is a huge one—we sold ourselves out too many times. It took me a very long time to have faith in myself.
I kept on looking for validation from outside – professors, teachers, other writers, friends and family, books, videos, and damn near everyone and everything, except myself.
And again, in that student-mode, you should be listening to everyone and keep an open mind. But eventually, you need—the world needs, really—your authentic voice. Finding that true voice is not easy but it’s in there.
Every single block that I've ever was because I didn’t have enough faith in myself.
Lesson: We have faith in ourselves, no matter WHAT.
The odds that you are even here is 1 in 10 to the bazillionth power or something like that.
That means only YOU can tell your story because only you have your genetic disposition, your personality, your upbringing, your perspective, your viewpoints, your dreams, your wants, and your voice.
And get this: when you begin to have more faith in yourself, you'll have more faith in your story, in your characters, and your style, and everything else. Faith breeds faith.
Special thanks to Melissa, Phil, Kevin, Bruce, Karen, Nina, Adora, Ila, Keir, Ann, Eric, Dan, Randy, Samantha, Audrey, Della, Cyrus, David, Clarissa, and anyone else I forgot who empowered me with their presence.
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